I don't want to turn this into a bitching session but I do want truth be known what I've been dealing with at my site/home.
For a while now I’ve been torn about what to do. I am feeling very unsuccessful and am definitely not getting anything accomplished in my village. It becomes more obvious to me every day that the matrone in my village has no intentions on working with me...or letting me work with her. Which I find really disturbing since she is the one that contacted Peace Corps, requested a volunteer and did all the leg work involved with actually getting a volunteer at your site. What was she hoping for. What is it that she wanted a volunteer for if not to work with her and help her in the clinic. There have been 5 separate incidences that we were supposed to go into Bougouni together. She was going to take me to the CSCOM (clinic) to introduce me to the doctors there and show me how and where she gets medicines to bring back to village. Each time we were supposed to go I showed up at the boutiki bright and early so we could catch the bus and each time she wasn’t able to make it. I went on to Bougouni without her because that’s my banking and market town and where I go anyway to talk to the boys and the rest of my family. Then there were 3 incidences where she “snuck” out of village and went to Bougouni without me. I don’t know why she felt the need to sneak. If she doesn’t want to work with me and doesn’t want me to go with her that’s OK with me. But again what is it that she wanted a volunteer for.
Then of course there’s my jatigi that comes to my house at 7am to tell me I’m old and lazy and I need to go out and work in the fields instead of sleeping all day. I told him, several times, under no uncertain terms was I there to be a free field hand for the village. I came here, to Mali...to Bougoula, to work in maternity with the matrone. My job is as a health volunteer. I will work every day, all day, all night with Miriam. If she doesn’t want me to work with here then so be it but I’m not working in the fields. I sit at her house, which is located right behind the maternity building, all day long waiting for someone to come along. Not that when they do she has me sit it on the consultation, exam or delivery, but I sit there waiting with her none the less. I believe she enjoys our friendship but that’s not what I’m here for.
My homologue, although I really enjoy hanging out with him, does not follow through with anything we start out with. It is so hard to keep everyone motivated. It’s very frustrating. He had finally planted some bashi yiri (moringa trees) but of course when the guys came to week and aerate they dug them all up and they are all dead now. Considering 3 children have died in my village since I’ve been living there I consider this a huge loss for the community. It is such a simple solution to a huge problem. But no one seemed to care they were gone.
And then there’s my neighbor “horny old guy”. I don’t even know what to say about him. He is the old, gross uncle that always has candy in his pocket to try and convince the young girls to hug him or sit on his lap. I never really felt threatened by his constant touching and feeling (or trying to) or I would have contacted PC earlier. If he ever did do something soooo inappropriate one good swift kick and he’d have gone down like a ton of bricks. No worries.
Add in the fact that my language skills suck and it adds up to that I’ve been feeling pretty useless here. I feel that if I stay I am wasting PC money, but if I go I am wasting PC money. It cost to do the screenings, to get me to Mali, to train me and of course I’ve been getting paid (just a measly stipen but surely enough to live comfortably here). But truthfully I’ve been thinking more and more about going home lately than I had been before.
One of the Mali directors came to my site today. I explained very clearly all of the above to her. I told her that I had spoken to my supervisor and others on my team about what was happening with the matrone and there was no follow up. I told her that my language skills suck and 5 months ago when everyone was getting a tutor I did not get offered one, even though I was one of the few people that did not pass the oral test in July the first time. I inquired about a tutor but no one ever got back to me. She met all the people that are involved in my being at my village...except for the matrone who was in Bougouni. She agreed right away with some of the observations I had made and why I felt the way I felt. She seemed to feel legitimately bad that maybe PC could have done a better job evaluating this site and preparing them for having a volunteer. Although she agreed with me she also said that she has seen situation like this turn around wherein the volunteer wound up being quite successful. We could pick all new players for me to work with. We could get me a tutor for a solid week and see if that couldn’t improve my language skills enough to be able to communicate better. Basically I would be starting over. I told her that although I would think about it, it sounds like a daunting task to me to start all over again. I haven’t been here 4 or 5 months. I’ve been here for 8 months. It takes months to build a rapour with the people you are working with. It takes months to build enough trust that they feel comfortable letting you into their circle and working with you. By that time and then add on starting hopefully at least one project after that point I would be here well over a year before I accomplished even the smallest of tasks. I would think about it and let her know.
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