Someday I hope my boys are more proud of me for doing what I am about to do, then they are upset with me for leaving them to do it. I hope I have set an example for them. A good example that if you set your mind to something and with that goal in mind keep moving forward towards that goal, you can accomplish anything. And you're never too old. I'm almost...well older than most Peace Corps Volunteers. I don't have a degree which made this a more difficult task, yet I'm going. I did it! I'm leaving in 5 days. If I can do it, they can do it. They can do anything they want.
"If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings." Brian Tracy
Jarrod just told me on the phone, "Momma, we're grown. I think we're going to be just fine." I guess I'm the one that's not going to be fine. What mother leaves their children? They are old enough...old enough for them to move away from home. Maybe go to college out of the county or the state for that matter. But not old enough for their mother to move away from home. That's not the way it's supposed to happen. I would feel better if they had someone here they could rely on. Their dad lives here but, well he hasn't been reliable up to now. It would be a great surprise, no a shock, if he decided it was finally time to step up. I can only hope. He is all they have.
There's so many little details to finish up before I leave. I did my taxes today. Thankfully I got all my paperwork before the end of the month. I visited with a friend I haven't seen in 20+ years. And then met another friend that I haven't seen since the summer. Tomorrow I am meeting a friend for breakfast, then coming home to do study some Bambara...the local language in Mali that we will be learning when we get there. I want to at least go there saying "yes, I do know some Bambara." At least to say "hi" and "how are you". "Do you speak english" will be a good line to learn early in the game. Then I am going to bring my bed, my beautiful Sleep Number over to my oldest son. I've already warned him I want it back when I get home. I love that bed. Of course I keep it on 15-20. I could just get a hammock. I need to go to my storage unit one more time. I have some more stuff to try and squeeze in there and then I want to pay for another year. That should cover me until I get back.
So all day I been freaking out about not being at home taking care of business and now that I'm writing it down it really doesn't seem like that much. I guess I'm really just freaking out. I'M GOING TO BE LIVING IN AFRICA FOR THE NEXT TWO YEARS FOR GOD SAKE!!! That's a lot to freak out about.
I'm going to try and relax the next couple of days. Once I move my bed out and my suitcases are packed to capacity and I at least come close to the weight limit, all I have to do is hang out with my boys as much as I can...or they want to. Their lives are going on. They have friends and school and stuff to do. But I guess that's a good thing. I don't want the focus over the next couple of days to be me leaving. But for their lives to continue as normal. Of course, that being said, I am dreading the airport scene. They are both going to stay with me Saturday night since I need to be at the airport at 5:30am. Then we are going together. I suggested to Josh (my oldest) that they can drop me off at the curb, but he said "No way"...they want to come in and wait with me as long as they can. This isn't going to be good. Josh is a crier. I'm not usually a crier, but I have been for about a month now. I hope it stops soon. I can't stand to see me this way. Again, I think once I'm on the plane alot of the anxiety I'm feeling about leaving will subside. Then I can start feeling anxious about what's yet to come.
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